I was so embarrassed that I used drugs as a nurse that I never dared to say I had a problem.

I am Cindy, 34 years old and have a daughter Amber who is 9 years old. I got divorced four years ago and now live alone. I have been struggling with an addiction for years. Drugs and Gambling. Now I have been clean for 6 months.

I started using it when I was fourteen. I had a girlfriend and on the night of the movie on the chiro she brought something. I did that then. It was XTC. And that was so nice that I immediately wanted to. Pretty soon it was already more and I liked it too. I started having problems at home and at school pretty quickly. I didn't care about very much. I got to know speed and that helped me a lot during my weekend work. I could then go on longer. I also had to pay for it all so I had to work hard.

Then I lost my jobs and I started dealing. Until I was arrested after 3 months.

I then started going to the psychologist and that was good. I haven't used for a year and I was fine. Then I continued studying, started using again and was unable to stop. Then there was a period of decreasing, then more, gambling was then also added. I went to the casino with my boyfriend and it quickly went wrong. And then I used more again. That is the thread of my life. Always try to cut down, but never really stick with it.

I got to know cocaine through my boyfriend and then I really experienced how addicted I was. I couldn't stop. I got pregnant and even then it was hard to stop. Luckily she was born healthy but I started using it again pretty quickly and it got more and more. A newborn baby, a lot of drugs, crazy situations. It was horrible. That was a very dark period. Finally left my friend. It was a blurry period. I was tired of life. I felt so alone too. I started using speed again to manage everything and started gambling again. I closed myself completely in my bubble. I liked that the most. In the end, everything went wrong.

My life was a mess. I had to do something about my life.

How did you end up at Reset?

My father had seen Reset commercial and told me about it. I immediately sent an email and was allowed to come for an interview. At the time I was still on the PAAZ in Duffel.

In the end you chose Reset, an ambulatory program… why?

I have been admitted to Duffel because I had to leave home. Briefly from the area. But I have a daughter and I wanted to improve the relationship with her. I also knew that a long-term admission would not help me in the long term because I did not work enough on day-to-day problems.

In addition to an intensive recording process, Reset also offers the possibility to sleep at home and therefore also to work on those day-to-day things.

Weren't you afraid of relapse during Reset?

Yes I was scared. In the end it was not too bad, I took a sleeping pill once and even though I didn't mind all that, I still learned a lot. Reset showed me the handling and why I did it and then it became clear to me that I had used that too. Also very happy that Reset does not immediately knock people at the door when they use it. I could learn from it.

How long did you stay with Reset?

3 months. And now I still follow the aftercare because I want to stay connected.

How did you approach this towards your employer?

I've been honest. I was lucky that my boss already knew my life. I couldn't hide it anymore and I absolutely wanted to say it.

You get a lot of freedom, some are afraid of that, how was that for you?

It wasn't that much freedom. It is an intensive program and that makes me very tired in the evening. I also went to self-help groups and spent a lot of time with my Amber (daughter).

The big advantage is that you immediately learn how to implement that freedom. You don't have that in a clinic and then you come out and you have to do it. Things often went wrong there in the past. So I was able to practice that well.

What did Reset help you the most?

The moments when I went into resistance. By that I mean that the confrontations with others and from others have brought me the most. I have wanted to stop and walk away several times but it is in those moments that I have learned the most.

Which part of the program did you like best?

The group sessions. That was the part that I dreaded the most in the beginning, but in the end it helped me the most. You learn so much and find recognition in others. I remember a moment when I put a Resetter in place because he was so hard on old behavior and wouldn't see it. The counselor then allowed me to say my thoughts and what came out then, wow. And that was good.

 What was it like for you that Reset works with experts by experience?

That was very important to me because on the one hand they gave me the feeling to understand me because they experienced it themselves, on the other hand I also felt little room to lie because I got the feeling that they noticed if I tried.

What is it like to face the consequences of your addiction?

Hard, very hard. That hurts. (gets hard and cries).

What was the toughest?

That I couldn't be there for Amber. That couldn't be a good mama. And the financial drain I left behind by gambling.

Were you able to give that a place?

Yes, somehow, but it remains very difficult. It remains difficult to talk about it because I am very embarrassed.

How Are You Now?

It goes well. I do notice that I am briefly out of balance at the moment and that immediately affects my well-being. But I do feel like I have enough tools to stay clean this time around. I have also received a lot in return.

I have a job back, I enjoy doing it, is appreciated. And the bond with my daughter is much better again.

How is the bond with her now?

Yes very good. She trusts me back. We do a lot together when I don't have to work. She is also blooming again.

You also stop drinking. How is that?

Weird but am ok with it. I don't want to go back to drugs and booze is a drug too. I have often heard that drink can bring me back to where I am and I don't want that anymore. I don't want to risk my relationship with my daughter.

Do you have a message for people looking for help?

Dare to ask for help. Do it. The gift that follows is beautiful.